Awesome Advice… From Surprising Sources

Cicero once famously said, “Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself.” That’s horseshit. There are lots of things for which I need competent advice. (Sorry for the weird wording of that sentence but I can’t knowingly end a sentence with a preposition.) For example, I’m always seeking creative ideas for surviving a British soccer riot… Many people have a hard time taking advice, especially when they have a perceived understanding of the central issue.

Sometimes, however, the best advice comes from unexpected places. Ever get financial advice from a homeless man? I did once, he told me to save and it meant WAY more than anything my parents ever said on the matter. With this thought in mind, I decided to find other unexpected sources of great advice/information.

Nurses Teach Self-Defense

According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, women comprise a whopping 92 percent of all registered nurses. With shortages of other critically needed medical positions, nurses are being given more and more responsibility. This often means dealing with a broader range of patients, like drug users or mentally disabled that might pose a threat to staff. Attacks on nurses are pretty common though only the more vicious incidents become news stories.  

While medical facilities attempt to safeguard staff with administrative procedures, nurses can take a more aggressive approach. Any number of courses and online resources specifically concentrate on teaching nurses basic and effective self-defense techniques. Check out this video for the wrist release:

Simple, easy, effective. Much of the self-defense techniques taught to nurses mimic those offered in general women’s self-defense courses. Nurse self-defense seems to focus more on close proximity techniques and minimizing damage. Overall, these moves might be practical for real world physical confrontation that leaves your dignity intact without involving the police or ugly lawsuits.

Sex Advice… From Old People

I would never claim ALL old people have something to offer regarding sex. In fact, I’d bet that most don’t… However, more than a few sex columnists are past their prime porn ages and still attract millions with their take on the nasty. Dr. Joyce Brothers. Ruth Westheimer. These are just a few of the media psychologists that make millions teaching the ignorant masses about one of life’s most basic functions. Other than extensive education, these women also share advanced age. But they don’t have SHIT on Sue Johanson.

Nothing can replace experience...

Sue is THE queen of sex... in Canada, which may not be THAT big a deal but she’s also become well-known in important countries too. At age 80, Johanson writes books, speaks and even sells her own line of sex toys… Ew.

Though a large number of people are willing to offer their advice on sex, the most successful seem to old people. The average age of Brothers, Westheimer and Johanson? 82.

Teenage Girls Offer Personal Hygiene Tips

This one is probably a little more obvious but I have to admit it never occurred to me. As a male, I know my personal hygienic standards are probably below those of the average woman. Walk into the bathroom of any American female and you’ll see a veritable laboratory of tonics, crèmes and powders dedicated to the sole function of personal appearance.

I have a feeling the Nyquil in this photo was used recreationally...

I can’t compete and neither can most guys. The hygiene gap can be closed with a little advice from our female counterparts and, on YouTube anways, the best sources are teenaged girls. In between gym class and trips to the mall (I really have to admit I have NO idea what they do day by day), hundreds of helpful girls have offered hygiene advice on everything from face washing to conditioner to whatever. Here’s one explaining the most effective use of Biore strips to remove blackheads:

Much of the advice is common sense but it’s truly amazing what a few clever teenagers can accomplish when motivated by crushing peer pressure and body image issues.

Strippers Build Up a Sweat

The health benefits of sex really shouldn't be underestimated. Just one hour of making the beast with two backs can burn up to 250 calories. Running? Just 125 calories. Strangely, I have yet to see a workout tape with pornstars teaching others how to fuck their way to bangable bods…

Fortunately, America’s softcore porn princesses have filled this desperately needed marketing niche.A few years ago, health clubs across the country were making headlines by hiring strippers to teach suburban soccer moms pole moves. The stripper workout requires some equipment but the savings are made up with less required workout clothing.

Legit workout attire...

Listen to one of the movement's earliest adopters explain and demonstrate:

Turns out, exercising on a pole is actually a pretty decent way to keep fit. Some experts estimate that the pole work out can burn up to 800 calories an hour. Research is still being conducted to discover the nutritional benefits of a cocaine based diet.