Members receive, per capita, as many Guggenheim Fellowships as Harvard graduates...
However, many of these great individuals are usually able to get their shit together to do the things that made them great. Ernest Hemingway, while an amazing writer, is not included on this list because he was essentially drunk his entire career. This article is limited to single achievements performed by individuals that were under the influence of drugs or alcohol... And I'm not talking about the time you got an "C+" on a Calc test after downing 30 Jägerbombs the night before. Anyone would brag about these achievements, the fact they were performed while completely tossed only makes them more impressive. For example...
Kary Mullis Revolutionizes Biochemistry While Tripping Balls
A lot of famous scientists have used LSD to expand their minds. Perhaps the most famous story involves Francis Crick and the role LSD played in his discovery of the double-helix structure of DNA. That story has been repeated ad infinitum so here's the under reported tale of Kary Mullis...
To be honest, Mullis's accomplishments have been down played in recent years because he's kind of a dick. After winning the Noble Prize for Chemistry in 1993, Mullis started to use his new status to promote controversial ideas, like denying climate change. Mullis has also joined the small group of academics that deny AIDS is cause by HIV. These positions are even more baffling when you consider Mullis has NO expertise in these fields.
Also a believer in properly executed head shot technique...
Before Mullis gained public notoriety as a public douche, he was a brilliant chemist that contributed to the progress of humanity... Just kidding, actually he was a jewelry salesman that took LSD. While riding with his girlfriend, Mullis stumbled onto the idea of replicating a small strand of DNA, also known as polymerase chain reaction technique (PCR). The concept had a world of applications from AIDS testing to cloning. How did Mullis decide to utilize his ground breaking discovery? He started a jewelry company.
In interviews after winning the Noble, Mullis whined about losing his girlfriend and revealed the role of LSD in his work. In a BBC documentary, Mullis was asked if he would have discovered PCR without the use of psychedelics. "I doubt it. I seriously doubt it," Mullis replied.
Pope Leo XIII Engages in Diplomatic Relations... With a Pocket Full of Cocaine
It's really hard to blame the people of the late 19th century for developing an intense fondness for cocaine. The substance has proven to be tremendously addictive but early users can be forgiven for being unaware of the health and psychological dangers associated with regular use. Major figures at the time were advocates of cocaine and their positions are well documented.
Yes, yes I can write prescriptions...
Another BIG early fan of cocaine was Pope Leo XIII. Before you get the idea of an major Catholic figure snorting lines of blow off a mirror (I know that's what I was thinking), Pope Leo actually drank coca wine. If you some how think that's different than modern use you're right but Leo was a pretty big fan of the stuff. How big?
The religious leaders that endorse my drugs all have dreads...
Yup, that's Pope Leo serving as a pitch man for Vin Mariani, the highest selling coca wine of the era. In fact, Pope Leo even awarded the wine's maker, Angelo Mariani, with a special award for benefiting man kind.
Fueled on Mariani's wine, Pope Leo embarked on lengthy diplomatic voyages. He notoriously carried around a pocket flask full of coca wine and was known to share with various dignitaries. The Pope successfully worked to improve the conditions of Catholics in countries where they received traditionally hostile treatment. Leo's diplomatic efforts successfully quelled anti-Catholic government programs and sentiments in Germany and Russia. It's hard to say whether the wine helped or hindered the Pope's efforts but the guy who comes to the party prepared is usually appreciated.
Martin Sheen Gets Drunk and Attacks Coppola
There's an accomplishment in this story some where, I swear. As many film buffs are aware, the filming of Apocalypse Now was grueling for nearly everyone involved. The filming was delayed for a variety of reasons ranging from weather to stolen payrolls. Also, Martin Sheen suffered a heart attack which required his brother to fill in as a narrator and body double.
It's definitely arguable whether any of these issues took away from the end product. In fact, certain things might have made the film better, like Martin Sheen's alcohol problem. Quick question: Does Sheen look hammered in the photo below?
He should because he was. That's a still from the opening scene of Apocalypse Now when a drunk Capt. Willard openly struggles with his own demons. During the shoot, Sheen showed up hammered beyond all belief and actually attacked director, Francis Ford Coppola. After quickly thanking Sheen for his commitment (I imagine), Coppola started filming. Many critics point to the scene as a prime example of the film's overall authenticity.
Drunks rarely prove to be this entertaining without hurting themselves... Sure, Sheen did cut his hand randomly shattering mirrors but, you know, it wasn't funny, unlike anything else drunk people do. Sheen later said in an interview with the Actors Studio that he was literally trying to fight his own demons while filming. If CGI had been available, who knows how bad ass that scene could've been...
Dock Ellis Throws a No No... On Acid
In recent years this story has become pretty widely reported but it's still pretty damn impressive. Dock Ellis was a baseball pitcher for various major league teams during the sixties and seventies. He won a World Series with the Pirates. He threw at Reggie Jackson. He also threw a no hitter... on acid.
Believe it or not, this man did drugs...
In later interview, Ellis would claim to have pitched every game of his major league career under the influence of one drug or another. To be fair, Ellis claims he didn't mean to pitch the game on acid. Ellis says he didn't realize he was supposed to pitch that day and took some LSD for recreation. (Full explanation here.)
The pitcher's description of the game is pretty funny. On more than one occasion, Ellis attempted to avoid hits when there was no ball. Most of Ellis's career was pretty unspectacular and he is quickly becoming more remembered for his drug induced no no than being a world champion pitcher. Further career highlights include a game where Ellis attempted to hit every batter he faced, which included Pete Rose and Johnny Bench.
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